Permit me to speak from my heart.
Allow me express myself.
Pardon my folly, but
May I?
I thought back to a year ago today.
And I’m deeply grateful.
Words can’t fully explain
All the shege that I saw.
I remember being numb for months.
Drowning in depression,
With deflated confidence
Face to face with rejections.
It didn’t make any sense to me.
How You brought me this far
Just to throw me away.
To figure it out on my own.
You knew about my fears
And still You set me right in front of them.
I told You about my plans
And you watched it blow up in my face.
What I thought was breakthrough,
Left me broken
And I couldn’t complain
Because You brought it in the first place.
If I was Abraham,
It felt like you let me kill my Isaac
And go back home with the ram
But then these were my feelings.
Looking back at my notes & photos
I see how You prepared me for the setup.
Exposing my frailty & weaknesses.
This level of surrender is still part of the process
On days I wanted to ask
Does my life look like a game to You?
You remind me I was made for Your pleasure.
When I was ready to give up
You won’t let me.
In the middle of my mess,
You still gave me a message.
And even when I didn’t want to talk to you
You reached out to me through other people.
I moved with a hurt I couldn’t explain
Smiling on the outside, but living in pain.
I hated that I couldn’t hate You.
So I stayed numb, knowing the truth.
You met me in my pain.
And reminded me that You see me
Even when nobody does,
And that You can feel what I feel
Even better.
Slowly but surely
You brought me out of the pit
And reminded me
That when I have You
I have everything.
“Don’t be obsessed with money but live content with what you have, for you always have God’s presence. For hasn’t he promised you, “I will never leave you, never! And I will not loosen my grip on your life!”
(Hebrews 13:5 TPT)
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